Do I Wanna Know?
by HeroesEmmaLee
Summary: Emily is unexpectedly reunited with her 5 year-old daughter, just as her final plan for revenge on the Grayson's begins to unfold. Will she initiate Emily's ultimate downfall, or will she be the catalyst for her greatest success? AU, Emily/Aiden endgame.


**Hi everyone; after recently watching the movie "Gone Girl", I conceived the idea for this epic little fic. It has been brewing for quite some time now, and I am so excited to FINALLY share my first Revenge fic with you all! Just a few starting details; the story begins during mid-season 3, right after Emily is shot and breaks it off with Aiden. Also, Aiden is NOT dead in this story. That said, please enjoy and R&R if you like it :)**

"_To carry a secret is to play with fire. Try to pass it on and you risk hurting someone else. Hold on to it, and eventually you get burned."_

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"_Aiden, look at me." Her hands tremble. The sound of her heart beat pounds through her ears. An overwhelmingly tense sensation of guilt builds in the pit of her stomach as she brings her palms together over her mouth. She closes her eyes briefly, and takes a deep breath. No lie was harder to conceal than this one, no mission proved more painful, no amount of love in the world would be enough for Aiden to forgive her for this; not in her mind. She shakes her head and utters softly, "There's something I have to tell you."_

_He turns away from the door to face her. "What's that… are you alright, Emily?" The strength and compassion in his voice infiltrates her, flowing and radiating all throughout her. She realizes then and there that she has the power to destroy the man she loves with one simple sentence, and it kills her._

_But just as she opens her mouth to speak - "Cat got your tongue, Ems? I've been trying to reach you all day, your cell's –" Nolan's entrance from the back of the house slices the tension in the room in half, and she and Aiden turn to face him. "-off… well, this is awkward." Nolan's eyebrows rise as the chipper voice of a child approaches the backdoor, along with prominent sounds of flip-flop scuffle and the clanking of winter beach essentials. Within seconds of beholding Nolan's most fateful company, a small blonde head skipping towards them, tears begin to swell in Emily Thorne's doleful eyes. _

_She slowly shakes her head and addresses Aiden, her dark eyes piercing through the depths of his ignorance. "Aiden, I - I'm sorry – I'm so sorry…"_

"_We waited for you, but you didn't come." The child's voice vibrates as she walks to Emily, looking from her to Aiden with familiar eyes. In awe, he studies her for several critical moments before he looks to Emily, if not only for confirmation. She nods, sullenly, her flushed face stained with tears._

"_Hi." The child blurts out shyly, addressing the tall man before her. Her chestnut eyes peer at him from the refuge she takes behind her tormented mother, as she quietly asks "Who are you?"_

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_2 months earlier – Southampton, NY_

A dark, chilly Autumn night looms over The Hamptons, bringing in cool winds and high tide. The pale, glowing moon provides the only light and guidance Emily Thorne needs, as her only errand of the night is to return to the beach she has ruminated on so many times before. She remains especially pensive tonight, amongst the darkness and the change in season, in her retreat to the shoreline. Much vexes her tangled mind; she is at odds. Emily sits amid the multitude of sand grains before her and sighs, lost in thought, as the moonlight casts a pallid reflection on the roaring ocean.

Much vexes her tangled mind, tonight.

One facet of Emily Thorne – cool, calculated, impenetrable Emily Thorne – struggles presently in finding self-purpose. After Daniel unexpectedly shot her on what was supposed to be her final plight for revenge, Emily has been faced with preparing for a "Plan B".

The past several years of her life have been devoted to clearing the name of her deceased father, David Clarke, who was framed and killed in prison for the terrorist acts on Flight 197, and in single-handedly) getting revenge on those who compromised him, especially Conrad and Victoria Grayson. Years of research, years of training, and years of infiltrating the renowned family she would destroy from the outside in built up to one crucial moment – in which the Graysons would go down for the infamous murder of Emily Thorne.

But there was an oversight – an error in planning. And while there was room for much in the plight of revenge, there was no room for error. Something went wrong – horribly wrong.

She heard two ear-splitting shots, and her future as she knew it flashed before her eyes – gone before she even caught a glimpse. Her cover was demolished. Victoria knew of her malicious intentions. Daniel knew. She was left under the care and discretion of the very family she attempted to destroy. All of her years of careful planning, every intricate detail was all for nothing.

She had failed.

And not only did she fail, but she lost the only future she could ever fathom. She lost out on true, wholesome happiness with the greatest love of her life. Emily Thorne lost her ability to create a future – a family neither she nor Aiden ever really had – which made her even more hell-bent on getting revenge. In that hospital bed, the fire that burned in her raged for this loss – revenge remained all she had left.

Once she had healed some both in the hospital and during her involuntary stay with the passive-aggressive Graysons, she returned home – to the shore house tainted with shadows and memories of the past. Her physical and mental scars were raw and irritated by the intense feelings of defeat deep in the pit of her heart – and it is with these convictions that she justified shutting out the only man who knew how to save her. Emily knew Aiden loved her and would have fought for her to the end, but he deserved better than her – better than the fruitless, demoralized façade of a woman she was. Aiden deserved a family and a future, and she deserved to see her enemies suffer indefinitely. Emily loved Aiden more than the moon loved the sun, but she wished so much better for him – so she let him go, along with the future she knew she could never have.

In reflection, Emily's true intentions in journeying to the beach during the ungodly hours of the early morning were to mull over a new course-plan for the coming months. Back on her independent and precarious path to revenge, she believed the ocean would provide her with the solace and peace necessary to ruminate productively. But several images and emotions perturb her intricate thoughts tonight– most prominently, deep and heavy feelings of regret.

Regret is a rare sensation to feel in the world of Emily Thorne. Each and every little thing she does is done with precision and flare, and she tells herself to live on the notion that she has no regrets or weaknesses. But she does – she lives in deep, melancholy regret day after day.

She regrets letting Aiden go, even though it is for selfish reasons she wishes he could stay. The love they shared was something Emily thought she would never have – passionate, honest, understanding love. He was the only person he knew who could _see _through her – her every flaw, her stoic expressions, every painful memory she relived each day. He knew what made her tick, what made her break, and he made her stronger. Aiden loved all parts of her, as Amanda, and she selfishly wished she could have a love like that for the rest of her existence.

But, she did what she thought was best, especially for him. Emily could not be what he wanted; she could not give him a family. In another world, perhaps – years ago, she could have. Even today, sometimes her lower abdomen aches for what she surrendered back then. She thinks of it every day – cruel images and beautiful thoughts of "what-if's" spiral through her complex mind at night, and it is what makes her weak. It is what leads Emily question whether or not she should have chosen this path at all.

Amanda Clarke gave up _everything_ to exact her revenge on the Graysons – youth, love, happiness, a future. But most importantly, she carried and harbored the greatest secret of all from the only man she ever loved. She gave up her baby girl for the plight of revenge, and it was her biggest **regret**.


End file.
